well fuck

i am stuck in a place where my meals are regulated three times a day. three times i have to go into a place sit while others chow the fuck down and i have to eat to seem normal... and all i want to do is scream "don't eat that cake fattassss!!!!" lol seriously there are some fat stupid little piggies here. and all the food served is greasy fried covered in gravy fat making. yuck.

i am trying my best to eat good but its hard with all the choices being not healthy. and right now theres not much to do during the day so its eat sleep poo repeat. OH! and no laxies allowed... no smoking no drinking. what am i to do?

at least its hot here. i sweat constantly inside or outside. i think that means the layer of fat is being removed. thats how i feel. either way im still the skinniest girl here.. stay thin lovlies!

day 2

so its the morning of day 2 doing pretty good right now. drank lots of coffee this morning yummm =) lol las night i hit up the gym for 45 minutes burned about 260 cals but i ate 2 ceezits a yogurt and a 100 cal pack of cookies which adds up to 220 cals.

i wasnt really hungry though. i texted my ex to say happy birthday and he texted right back and was like can i call you later? and i told him sure im headed to the gym though so make it much later. well he called while i was in the gym and left a message to call him back because he is going to the gym too. but his voice sounded so different! he wasnt my matty anymore. it felt like he was someone else... i dont know how to explain it but it hurt like hell. so i binged and im glad i decided to get rid of all foods over 100 calories lol. well there is a diet pasta worth 260 but still.... burned all those at the gym =) gotta go to work stay thin lovlies

day 1

day one of the fast. i was reading about fasting in skinny bitch (love that book! amazing thinspo) and it said it takes 3 days for a fast to really help you loss weight. so i am now totally set to go all the way to friday before i eat. friday night i plan to get sushii and then go to a party with some friends. i will drink and then saturday morning im gonna get pancakes and eggs =) yummm and then start another fast until wed or thursday when i have to go to the airport. wow thinking about that made me super hungry. but other than that i dont get hunger pains when i dont eat all day. plus i am drinking hella water and will definately go to the gym tonite! i love the eleptical and my most troubling area is my thighs =/ so im thinking 30 on that and maybe 30 on the stairmaster. yep super motivated to be 125 by the end of the week and this time i will keep it off! have a good day lovlies stay thin xoxox

new goals.

So a few things. i am binging currently but only to rid my room of most of the food. everything left will be 100 cals or less. =/ i am getting sick … mentally and physically. my tonsils have been swollen for 2 or three weeks now. and i cant stand to eat but today i am letting myself go because i binged last night and i decided i need to get rid of the food in here.

i am down to 128 usually. i was at 125 for a minute but then i got kicked out of class and im being sent from the lovely west coast to virginia…

and next time i go to the store i have decided to get laxies for a daily use. yuck but so is the fat. maybe i will just get a colon cleanser and i have a bunch of acacia pills coming to go with those. =] so that plus my hopefully new found will to wake up early and workout again will make me thin. I want that so bad and i am up to going all day with no food. just coffee and smokes.but the next day i will eat a little so my new goal is to make it to friday without any food. and if i do eat it will be one of my 100 cal snacks. but no food until friday and then we will see how i feel and i may extend my fast.

+ the pills will be here so i can take those and the combo is supposed to make you drop like 10 lbs a week. in toxins and poop but still. i don't know how i will react to that kind of weight loss. the lady who did a thing on the news said the combo made her loss 25lbs in a month!!! that would make me 103. and i have to work out with my job so it would be less loss possibly but still!!!! idk how my job will react if i loss that much between weigh ins but im willing to risk it… wish me luck!

Stay thin lovlies! some thinspo for you. and sorry for not posting recently its just all the stress. i dont have much time to do everything anymore…