I will be her

I will be her
eventually

Thursday, April 22, 2010

+4=+27 =D

I wish I was thin already. I know I have to eat so I don't become sick, so I don't rot my teeth and kill my insides, make new diseases to cover my guts, to replace the fat with hard tissue that kills me slowly. I want to be beautiful and small and thin. So I don't eat. I normally eat a small 200 cal breakfast and 200-400 cal after workout. Today I woke up late so I missed my morning appointment with the gym =/ I am going to workout after I write this and smoke a cigarette. But i had a test, which I think I rocked but after my usual pot of coffee, I had to eat something because I was too jittery. I can't run off of just coffee very well. There has to be SOMETHING to settle my stomache.

In other news, I feel good today, like I accomplished something =] I am still unsure as to what I accomplished though. I am going to get kicked out of the course either way....Being arrested sucks. lol

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

yep

just an update for my workout regime +5 = +23 points =]

Other than that I have been eating super healthy. Lots of protein the past few days which I feel I never get enough of any more so this fact makes me happy. Did some fairly HxC cycling today but only did 30 minutes. I didn't want to over do it and I had a killer wedgie which is difficult to pick discretely in a room of people. Seeing as I work with these people, it was a little embarrassing to have to deal with so I just cycled for 30 minutes and ran to the locker room lol. I really want to restrict my diet down to 400 cal a day. total. not add on extras because of exercise. I just want to see the pounds melt away every day. But I like to eat and when I don't do it for several days I get light headed and fall asleep everywhere.

Also I find myself thinking about exercise every minute of the day. I am obsessed with it. All I want to do is run around the track or lift weights, go swimming, not eat.

Any thing to not eat. And yet I do eat still. It's like there is this voice in my head saying: your fat. disgusting, dont touch that food, dont even LOOK! Don't inhale that delicious aroma! Go run do crunches pick up that weight. NOWNOWNOWFATFATFATFAT! I don't like it and I am sure I am going crazy. My calorie intake reduces everyday and when I go above 900 I feel an intense need to throw up. I can't finish a plate anymore. IDK is this healthy?

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Tuesday, April 20, 2010

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lost one pound!

I dont understand weight fluctuations at all. But I am under 130 and I plan to stay that way. I want to add extra afternoon workouts on to my morning workouts. Points so far: +6 total= 18 =]

Sunday, April 18, 2010

messed up.

This weekend I definitely did not do well on my calorie intake. =[ Friday I did amazing but I just let myself go on Saturday and today was sorta accidental. It's kinda like mmmm yumm and then i just say oh well fuck it im just gonna eat it all. and i was busy so i didn't even exercise at all!!! But it was tasty and maybe it was worth it. i'm not sure. weigh myself tomorrow =/ I think I lost weight. I measured myself and I am for sure an inch smaller in all areas! So I hopefully ate few enough calories this week to lose like 3 more pounds =]

so totals are Sat: +3 Sun: +1 Total= 12

Friday, April 16, 2010

It's Friday

And thank god it is! I got some crummy news on Tuesday and kinda fell off my diet excercise wagon. But I'm jumping back on today. I woke up super tired but managed to catch a ride to work and I made my coffee perfect =] Only ate half a pop tart too =] I feel like I have lost weight so I hope I'm right. Weigh in on Monday. Tonight I want to stay in and read. Tomorrow is Edna's nephew's/niece's birthday party. Indiana Jones and Tinkerbell themed! Supa exciting. Long run on Sunday with Josie =] I just hope I can resist all the tasty food and cakes.
So scores for Wed and Thursday are only +8 total. So that's a total of 12? i think lol. Pretty low but I have eaten well under my total for the day and I have a tasty bottle of water with me and fun plans later =] So that score should go up. I need to make myself workout later too. I have been sleeping in instead of going to the gym. But Sunday I will go to bed earlier.

Some thinspo for me today =]

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

28 day plan

Food
Water
Exercise
Journaling/Posting
Daily Self Esteem Challenge

Food
You must follow your meal plan (smd, shd, or whatever) or stay within your calorie range everyday! If you stay on your plan and eat within your daily range of calories give yourself 2 points. If you go over, but not by much, 1 point. If you have a bad day 0 points. (Since I am fasting if I go water only I get 2 points, if I have liquids, i.e. juice, then i only get 1 point. If I happened to have a bite of anything solid I get zero points.)


Water:
If you have 64+ ounces, 2 points. 32-64 is 1 point, and less than 32 is 0. Any de-caffeinnated beverage with 0 calories counts as water, but you can only use stuff other than actual water (diet Sprite, Crystal Light, decaf tea) for 24 ounces of your daily total. Just think of how great your skin is going to look after ALL that water.. no more pimples..no more zits..



Exercise:
If you work out for 30 minutes or more, 2 points. 20-29 minutes, 1 point. Less than 20 minutes, 0 points. It's unrealistic to expect us to work out every day, so you get a "Get out of exercise free" card to use once a week.



Post:
This one's an all-or-nothing. You have to post every day about how you did on the challenge. If you do it, you get 2 points, if not, you don't get any.



Self Esteem Challenge:
This is where it gets fun. Every day of the week, there's a special daily challenge that you get to select. If you do it, you get 2 points, if you don't do one, you get 0. Challenge points are the only points that you can make up later, though.


--Monday Challenge: Celebrate Me! Give yourself a facial, take a bubble bath, get a few minutes to yourself, etc. Do something to make yourself feel good.

--Tuesday Challenge: Procrastinator's Anonymous: Everyone has something they're putting off--this is your chance to finally DO it.

--Wednesday Challenge: Random Act of Kindness Day. Commit a random act of kindness--give a compliment, be polite to a telemarketer, donate to charity--anything as long as it's nice!

--Thursday Challenge: Try It, You'll Like it! Do a new exercise, make a new recipe that looks good--expand your horizons!

--Friday Challenge: Fun Day! Blow bubbles, go to a movie, dance, be silly, have fun!

--Saturday Challenge: Cleaning out the Cobwebs: Clean something in your house that needs it.

--Sunday Challenge: This is a make-up day for all your other challenge days. If you missed a challenge, do it on Sunday. If not, just plan for the next week and take it easy.

If you eat a little extra food, you can exercise extra to make up for the food points. 30 minutes for every 150 calories. You have to decide if it's worth it.

In your daily post, make sure you post your numbers. Your first number is the number of days you've been in the challenge, the second is the pounds you've lost and the third is the total number of points you've earned on the challenge so far. So if you've been on the plan for 7 days, you've lost 1.5 pounds and you have gotten 68 points, you'd just post 7/1.5/68. Also, tell us about your daily self esteem challenge.. let us know how you loved yourself today! Most of the time ana-life is so negative.. take a 28 day break and do good things for yourself every day.. and earn 2 points!

Saftey Clause::::THIS IS SERIOUS

The Day(s) of Amnesty..If you are having a bad day..weak..tired..getting ill.. STOP take the day off.. Eat "normally" and get yourself together. You get 10 points for recognizing your body's signals.. If you don't feel good about taking 10 points for being sick..remember that SUNDAY is make up day! :)) We wanna keep this safe. I want everyone to have 10 point days!

------

There we go. By the way another rule I am adding, the point of this is to go for 28-days, and keep track of points/weight/whatever. There were a lot of people last year that if they messed up would just start over like "i had a bad day, I am starting all over again." NO! you are not aloud to do that. The point is to go a whole month straight in order to be able to see and keep track of your results. So lets get to it all you ladies and lads!



So my goals are less than 600 cals a day daily workouts with josie and on my own according to 30 day make over and the only change i am making is i will continue to drink my coffee and juice =]
so today i guess is day 1. 6 points. i am feeling much more optimistic about this than the starve yourself diet i was trying to go on. I am just not cut out for full on starvation yet. But 300 ish cals a day will be fine =]

today

So I decided since I am starting a pretty strict workout regime with a friend, I will only eat the amount of calories I can burn. We burn anywhere from 300 to 500 calories a day so that is a decent size meal but I will be able to keep up and still lose weight like I was fasting =] I hope I can lose about 3 pounds this week =] maybe even 5! =D

Thinspo today: Audrey Kitching again and Hanna Beth
Supa glamorous

Monday, April 12, 2010

Tomorrow

Starts my official first day of dieting. I was supposed to be a part of a midsummer's fast but I haven't stuck with it yet. I guess because I made a deal with Josie to workout in the mornings. I'm super sore from the workout this morning. But I need to do it again. And then I decided since I am working out and the other girls who are participating are not I could eat something small once a day. That's fare right? So I can continue going and not pass out...IDK I feel like I'm cheating them.

And then for lunch I got out super early from school. Like I had a two and a half hour lunch. So I went with a friend to eat and I ended up binging on mashed potatoes and gravy =] yummm. I purged after wards but still. Cheater! So then I was feeling low and I got home and I was hungry and was like "fuck it. I already messed up today! So I ate ramen and strawberry cake =/ But tomorrow is an early day. My friend is coming to pick me up for work and he is bringing coffee =D So coffee and I will nibble on whta ever food he brings but that's all I will eat tomorrow!

Also I weighed myself today. I am at 130 lbs. 20 lbs to go =]]]

Now some thinspo:
Today is Audrey Kitching =] I think she is lovely and I want to look like her one day