day 1

took a diet pill. okay okay 2 this morning when i woke up. then went with a roomie to the store to get laundry soap and cold medicine (shes sick) and she kept talking about how i need to eat because i took those pills so i got some chips and dip at the gas station. about 300 - 400 cals. but i shared them with another girl in our dorm so i didnt eat them all =)

my bunk mate is a fat girl though. shes running around with brownies and chocolate and candy offering it to everyone today. oh curse you fat ass!!! i soooo want some lol but i resisted with a polite no thank you.

watching her eat is disgusting. apparently she went to fat camp last year (gross i know!) and lost a lot of weight and now shes here and when we go to the caffeteria she skips all the food. even pizza and stuff and goes right to the cakes and ice cream and pies. she gets one of each flavor for every meal. i cant sit with her. in the past two months she has gained back most of the weight she lost. when she changes it is the most disturbing thing i have ever seen.

but she is my motivating thinspo in a way. when we eat and i see the cake and stuff onher tray i go right to the salad bar. lol i hate eating the same vegis everyday but negative cals are awesome. and i can chew on the same piece of lettuce until everyone leaves.

too bad they all noticed a while ago i was pushing food around my plate and not eating. then i had to make food disappear so noone would worry and tell on me. then i start to eat and then i binge. and i cant purge because the toilets here are public and you can only claim upset tummy so often.

in short i have gained all that weight back plus some. so know food as often as possible until oct 2 and i pray all the weight will be gone. plus im running again and working out and when i get home next week i can spend hours obsessively working out like i do lol. i did run 2 miles in 16 minutes! im 5 seconds off from beating my record. i want to start running around the lakes when i get home. i should be able to squeeze that in once a week at least. those are like 3 miles or more. plus its hot outisdeso i sweat just thinking about being outdoors. i am confident i will be skinny again.

i need some strictley mia/ana friends to text and support me. binges are hard to avoid =( but i dont think anyone reads this blog. oh well.

keep starving lovlies xoxox